Finally and just in time for Christmas!

So I finally got with a woman!  Thank you Jesus and Santa Claus!  I’ve been so nervous that I somehow managed to convince myself that I wanted to bury my face in a vagina, but when it came right down to it, I wouldn’t like it.  Well, boy was I wrong.  Eating a woman out is awesome, making a woman cum while eating her out with your fingers in her is fucking amazing.  It’s kind of all I want to do, I get it guys

 

I like to think my lesbian cherry popping story is unique and a little funny. 

 

I had a day full of family time, holding babies, food and couples, so many fucking couples and no lesbians.  I meet up with a single friend and we decided drinking was in order and meet up with another single person and made friends with Whiskey and the bartender.  In all honesty I was just biding my time until it wasn’t too early to go to my lesbian bar.  But when I got there it was like the end of the party and figured a drink or two and I’d head out.  But I ended sitting next to the right one that night.

 

I’m going to call her Angela, names were not exchanged.  She was curvy with dark hair and dark eyes.  We spoke, but for the life of me I’m not sure what was said, but it got her tongue in my mouth and her hand down my shirt.  I remember telling her to pay her tab after she told me she lived close.  Angela was an aggressive kisser and a nipple pincher, cool and ouch!  We stumble to her apartment stopping to make out along the way.  We get to her place and she heads to the bathroom.  Angela was a true lady and freshened up for me and for that I am grateful. 

 

As soon as she came out she was on me, I think she called me beautiful, but all I know for sure is that clothes came off and boobs!  Yes, boobs!  I do enjoy breast, soft and round and so much fun.  My tongue got a warm up on those nipples while my fingers found their way inside her.  I was really nervous that when I got to this moment I wouldn’t know what to do, but I’ve been practicing almost daily on myself for years.  Before I could over analyze or second guess myself I kneeling in front of her spreading her legs and her lips going to town.  It wasn’t long after the second finger that she came.  After some “Wows” and “Oh my gods” I was feeling pretty damn good about myself.  First time with a lady, I loved it and I didn’t suck at it.  I was all caught up in my moment that I didn’t realize the she was grabbing her clothes and it wasn’t until she was closing her bedroom door telling me that I could sleep on the couch. 

 

Ummm, bitch is you serious!?!  I am not sleeping in your house, on your couch, for one, you have a dog and I’m allergic, two, you didn’t reciprocate I don’t want to see you in the morning.  Shit, you don’t even want to see me know.   Crap, women can get blue balls.  I put my clothes back on (shit just realized I left my slip, I fucking loved that slip) and decided that if I’m going to be treated like a whore I should get paid.  I made her legs tremble, that’s worth a bottle or two of wine…oh look whiskey!  I don’t mind if I do. 

 

I tried to make my exit as quick as possible, but I don’t remember her hallway being that confusing, after a few wrong turns I found my way out and used my phone to find my way back to my car.  After a few steps I started laughing like a crazy person – at that time of night, it was probably a good thing.  I drove home smiling, smelling my fingers and giggling like a school girl.    Now, to find someone who wants to do more than pinch my nipples (please ask before you do that) and ride my face and fingers.

Dinner Conversation with my friends

My best friend: You guys should come over on Friday; we’re going to this Fish Fry place.  So we can eat fish for the end of the world”

Me: *under my breath* Well, that’s my plan everyday

Table: Burst out laughing

My friends are awesome and apparently have good hearing in noisy restaurants

Do I get the lady fingers? Or is this not a date...

So I finally got a bite and had myself a date, no, a meet up.  Even if you don’t believe in The Rules, you know that being asked if you are attending a party that evening is not a date.  But I had meet CB earlier and even with the two weeks of radio silence I was still over the moon 8^th grade excited that she texted unprovoked and wanted to see me.  I spased out and texted my gay best friend’s pseudo boyfriend and the first of my friends that I came out to.  “OMFG!  CB just texted me about my plans for tonight!!!!!”  Note the number of exclamation points and abbreviation.   While I remember meeting CB, I only remember really liking her and having had enough drinks to make out with another girl on the dance floor.  Yet and still I piece together my MarkBer’s Mark night and knew she was the one…to break me into this world I feel I belong.

 

Feeling too old to arrive anywhere but bed at 11 I rallied myself and went to this “where all the girls will be” location and waited and again, had an awkward as fuck 30 minutes sipping on a drink and playing Words With Friends.  While outside smoking a cigarette I remember that I don’t exactly remember what CB looks like and it’s like Memento, I feign recognition to anyone that looks my way until CB appears and I first notice that she does not look like the CB I remember.  She joins me and we establish that I like women, I want to be with women, but I have never been with a woman.  I feel I have a strike against me.  Then we establish her use of the phrase “Experimental Phase” it does not mean that “I too think I like girls, but am only visiting”  she meant – my 6 year relationship was with  woman and now I’m having single lesbian fun.  We chat and head in; she directs us upstairs and buys me a drink because apparently it’s still my birthday.  I get what she’s getting and for fucksake he gets cider.  I suggest whiskey and beer and that’s a no.  Half way through our sweet as hell cider, after awkward first date questions (she has 2 cats – I’m allergic to cats, but for the right person, I’ll get those shots) she asks me who at the club/bar I find attractive.  RECORD SCRATCH

 

“Ummm besides you?”  While she is not what I remembered, I was still attracted to her and she had already established that she was not looking to get into anything serious.  So at this point, I know where I stand.  Her home is inhabited by beings that while cute will kill me by inhibiting my breathing.  She is not looking for anything serious – I’m not either, but when this is made clear, you are then relegated to only being a hook up, but when you are questioned as to who in the room you would hook up with, it is clear that they want your sexual interest is being redirected.  That’s fine, but then it sets the clock from, “When do I make my move” to “When can I politely leave?”  And if that wasn’t enough, she started texting for back up or friends to come join us. 

 

We make not so small talk, her coworker comes, I’ve chatted up other people and then the unnecessary nail in the coffin…her friend with whom she’s crashing with shows up and they greet each other with a kiss.  Half on half off the lips.  So either she was establishing who she was going to be intimate with or her friend was exercising a benefit of lip to lip kissing. 

 

At this point I’m passed ready to go and sad I did not keep my original plans (it was by myself so I didn’t flake on anyone) to go elsewhere to find someone that was willing able and ready to at least make out if not give me the lady fingers. 

Coming Out Debut

Mine was Phasefest, I got there after searching (old timey word for stalking) the internet to find out where and when might I see Hunter Valentine and low and behold in mere weeks I could be jammed backed into what is fast becoming my bar, Phase 1 of DC. I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was my first official outing (ha!) as a ….woman seeking woman. My cousin was supposed to be my “woman seeking woman” fairy, but she has issues that I wasn’t trying to hear it. So I there I was, boobs out and make up on.

As soon as I walked in and paid my cover I freaked the fuck out, on the inside.

What the fuck was I doing here by myself and do I really like girls? I sure as shit didn’t like that one girl I saw. And she didn’t look like she wanted any of this! What if no one wants this and I’ve just switched to a different sex that will say no to me!

Oh yes, I freaked out and calmed my happy ass down with some Marker’s and talked myself down.

You need to calm your happy ass down, maybe wait 5 minutes before plunging into self-doubt

Fine then!

This is terrible, but I needed a social clutch, an opener and what better than a cigarette. I know I know, but it’s what happened. And I’ll tell you what, that shit fucking works. Before I knew it I was at a table making acquaintances and feeling less like an outsider. The ladies were sweet and even tried to set me up on a “dip your toe in the water” make out session with another new “woman seeking woman” friend. But we had no sexual chemistry and I’ve had my fill of making out with someone I felt nothing for…and she had really long nails.

Side note: I had long nails due to lack of maintenance and they made my man hands look more lady like, but the moment I realized that I wanted to be with a woman I cut my nails all the way down. And then I expected my care package with 3 standard issue plaid shirts and a strap on to arrive, still waiting Welcoming Committee.


I get AH’s number and then find out she had a girlfriend, who was there and had reassured me she would be in contact because she could tell me AH liked me. Like I needed more confusion, but she’d be one more lesbian friend then I left my house. I was honestly distracted over seeing Kiyomi and Hunter Valentine in such a small intimate venue. I could have touched her, but why involve the authorities and ruin the whole evening?

All in all it was a good night and I had fun and a few numbers and a little crush on AH’s very butch friend who lived near me, I hope to see her again.


To date AH and I have only texted, my first time flirt texting with a woman and I have no idea who her lovely bitch friend is.


Here are some pictures from that evening:

 

At the beginning, a day back in September…

I’ve slowly been realizing that my feelings are only new to me. I’ve even had a few not surprised reactions to my coming out as bi. Well I’m sure as shit surprised and I wish someone would have let me know earlier. I’ve wasted so much time trying to make it work with the “wrong guy” or wondering why I just wasn’t interested in any guy I meet.

So there I am, laying on my couch, tablespoons deep in cold medicine. Its day 3 and I’ve watched everything and I was moving to OnDemand. The Real L Word? Sure I liked The L Word, this should be good too. Right as I press play my gay husband calls to check on me and I end the conversation with “I’m about to watch The Real L Word and I’m probably going to switch teams, so let me get to it.” It was in all honesty a joke, a joke on my dumb self-unaware ass. In less than three hours I was seriously questioning my life. Ask any of my friends, when I watched The Real Word, I said with confidence that if I was gay Shane would be my type all day every day. I’ve found women attractive, even kissed a few. And after some thought had crushes on a few:

I still think about AK (like I’m giving out names). Oh, I found every excuse to talk to her at that party and she engaged in the conversation. Towards the end of the night I remember trying to get her to dance with me and I felt her body tense up and still now I want to feel the strength of her arms and I wanted to feel those arms around me. But I didn’t understand, I just thought she was fascinating and I wanted to be around her.

So back to that day in September: On the couch, chugging DayQuil cuz I’m bad ass like that and I’m committed to this show. There are shots of NYC and I get home sick and I think about this girl SS who moved to NYC that see at a reunions and baby showers and I remember the day I noticed her. A girl with a rack like that not wearing a bra makes you take notice. See, there were signs. I’m watching the scene where Kiyomi’s outside the bar and I look up and realize: shit, I have been staring at this woman’s thighs the whole scene. I don’t even know what the hell is going on, but I’ve been staring at this woman like she’s the last coca cola in the dessert (My favorite line from Mambo Kings). I’d blame the medicine, but that woman is gorgeous and I think this can’t get any better and then the lovely Laura starts striping. 1. This show is awesome 2. I should have moved back to NYC after high school.

I pause my lesbian viewing pleasure because Ellen was on, just kidding! I was falling asleep and didn’t want to miss any of my new favoritest show in the whole fucking world. I make a mental note to Google this Hunter Valentine because maybe I can also cross off being a groupie from my bucket list.

I woke up excited because there’s something new, yes, I am now breathing out of both nostrils at the same time, but there are girls, well women, I’m too old for girls. As I lay there coming out (I just caught that) of my DayQuil non drowsy stupor, I’m mulling this over in my mind. Women, I like women? Well shit, this is weird. Everybody knows I like guys, but this would explain some things. Like my lack of a serious relationship with a guy. Not wanting to get close to any of them. Maybe I wasn’t emotionally dead inside, I just don’t like men. I mean all of my sexual partners have been void of that connection, but how much love making can you do with that guy from the bar or the guy who introduces himself by his nickname. He was also my most successful relationship. I recall not kissing him and the shock and annoyance I had when he displayed feelings more than what I thought was appropriate.

  I spent the next couple of days thinking about what this all meant and how does one go about being bi, or was a gay?